Apple released iOS 4.3 yesterday, and it looks like iTunes Home Sharing provides almost everything I had wished for in my original post.

There seem to be some quirks (all videos and podcasts are marked as unplayed on the device) and other behaviors I’d like changed (watching/listening to a podcast on the device doesn’t report that to the shared library). These niggles are really just small issues compared to the big advance of having access to my full library.

Thank you, iOS team!